Autumn Blessings

Blessed Autumn and harvest to all of you... Autumn is a very pretty time of year here in the river bottoms. Leaves are changing and everything is preparing for the long winter rest. The frost has been hitting so hard that the pumpkins are no longer safe in the field and must be stored. We had a great harvest of them in spite of my whining two months ago that there wasn't a single pumpkin on the vine.. and the weather was never really pumpkin friendly. You need warm weather at night to grow big pumpkins, we didn't have warm anything this summer.

This pumpkin was my favorite for the year.... it just about grew into the "perfect" pumpkin shape. Did you notice I am missing a boy..... it is a cruel part of life that children grow up.

For the past sixteen years we have spent maybe a handful of days apart and now this summer I rarely see him.

Ah, back to the squash. We grow a lot of squash and beets for the livestock. They keep well and provide good roughage during the winter. We strive for the biggest production in the smallest amount of space. Often running vines through the corn patch as well. This year a banana squash grew up a corn stalk. It made for easy picking and someone jokingly stated we grew a banana tree in Idaho.

After a full day of harvesting we ate hamburgers and headed to the reservoir. The air was crisp and the spray refreshing. It was something to see how much the water had gone down over the course of the summer. The fish were frisky ~ jumping completely out of the water to show off their shiny scales. Eagles and Hawks were soaring searching for dinner while the pickings were still easy. It was pleasant. As we started to turn the boat back toward home we noticed another boat up a cove sending out a distress signal. There had been maybe seven boats on the lake the entire night. We went over to see if we could help. They needed towed to land. Rire reservoir has two docking ports, one on each side. The stranded boat needed to go to the Blacktail dock and we had put in on the dam side.... but what do you do? We were the last two boats out there.

The boat was Heavy, and the going slow... Darkness was settling in and we hadn't even docked the other boat yet. Even the ducks had settled in for the night. Finally, just as my mind was threatening to panic.... we docked the other boat, there was no time for proper introductions or thanks. We waved as the other boater offered to pay us. Shane said "No, you'll need to tow me some day..." We took off as we still had a 15 to 20 minute drive to get to our dock and there was little daylight left. As we sped away a wad of money landed in the bottom of our boat. There was no time to argue, we just kept driving. There was $25 ~enough money to pay for an entire tank of gas in the boat. I can't believe him.

About half way across the reservoir, the sun was gone, our daylight has shortened tremendously. Praise God for the moon, calm weather and a running motor. The water was like glass as we cut across it. Pretty if I could have just relaxed. Slowing when the reservoir narrowed we picked our way home. I am thankful that they are familiar with the reservoir..

David, sitting in the bow acting as lookout sees the lights of our dock. All ended well.

Make Hay While The Sun Shines

I was starting to think our hay was not coming. We usually have our hay bought and stacked by the time fair rolls around. I guess with spring being so cold and wet, first crop was late and so it stands to reason that second crop would be too. But this was really late.

The farmer I buy hay from teases me quite often because I am picky about what I feed my animals. I won't buy first crop. False Tansy grows in the spring, once it has been cut it stays down for the rest of the year so it doesn't show up in the second cutting. False Tansy ruins the reproductive ability of a goat. It leaches all the iodine out of their system and ruins them. It's a yearly conversation between Gary and I....it always ends with him saying " Like I said ..what's wrong with that?" He's a cowboy .... he's above goats.

Gary's hay hauler it too big to get into where I want the hay stacked so we have him deliver it in the field and then stack it by hand... all eleven tons. This year we used a hay lift when the stack got high. It is a TRUE piece of farm equipment. We spent more time putting it back together than we did running it.

Almost done.....

The energy level always picks up when your on your last ton.

I am filled with a deep sense of gratitude

when the hay is safely stacked. And the food stored in the cellar,

Shane calls it my "warm and fuzzy"

To see the Lord provide once again is a very blessed feeling.

Will you people go to bed now?

Blessed shall be thy basket and thy store.

Deut 28 :5

Boy, Can you skin Grizz?

....sure are cocky, for a starving Pilgrim................

David and Cody have both killed a bear. This year it is Andrew and Zachary's turn to try. So far they have had a lot of hits at their bear bait sites but have not harvested one... Their Uncle Dan, however, did. And He brought it to me~e! I don't like bear meat. They are scavengers. And by all reasonable assessment what they eat...you eat. Yuck! Not to mention it is greasy and sticks to the roof of your mouth. No~ part of the pig family or no, I'll stick with the original white meat. But what is good on the bear is the hide. Soft, warm and pretty. Dan didn't bring me the hide though. Darn 'im. He brought me the carcass. So I did what any woman would do~ cry.

Alright, I made it into dog food. My dog food recipe calls for two pounds of ground meat per batch and after the boys and I had it all butchered, ground and wrapped up we had enough for over 25 batches of dog food. And that's why I'm singing!! Chief and General's grub was getting low and I don't know how you look into those big brown eyes or stare at all that slop chop drool and tell them there just isn't any thing left except fish. They don't like puppy food made from fish, so times are pretty desperate when I make it that way. Here's the recipe they swear by:

2lbs ground meat
( I use what ever we have at the time.. wild whatever, duck, chicken,fish,goat,rabbit, left over roast or taco meat etc.)
4 cups rice
12 cups water ~ sometimes if I have extra milk I will add it.
veggies
( again whatever, zuc, crookneck, a quart jar of beans, carrots or corn.) DO NOT use onions~ they are toxic to dogs. Thanks, Cody, for setting momma straight.

Put the meat, rice and water into a dutch oven and bring to a boil, simmer until meat is cooked and all water is absorbed. I add a little salt to this.

If veggies are raw cook them in a little water otherwise dump the jar into the blender and puree (stealth health) If I leave them chopped the dogs kick them out of the bowl.
Add puree to rice mixture and stir. Store covered in the fridge.

***My disclaimer*** I am not a nutritionist. I have only been feeding my boys this way for about eight months and only time will tell if my way of thinking is truly healthy for my dogs... some nutrition deficiencies would not show up until my dogs are old men. BUT people managed to keep their dogs alive and fed for years and years before Purina came along. There has to be a way of doing it for ones self.
The only draw back I see to this food is ~it is soft therefore will not clean their teeth like a dry kibble would. I give them bones to keep their teeth healthy.

I make this batch about every 4 to 5 days for my two Newfies... if you have a disposable dog ( you know.. the flushable size) you may want to cut it in half so it doesn't go bad in the fridge.
Let me know if you try it.

Check Your Trap Line Daily....

First you need the history.....My boys are trappers. Trappers to the core. But they are also boys who tend to get careless on occasion. Some traps do not kill instantly and I feel it is cruel to let animals sit in them without being disposed of as quickly as possible. So I am a broken record around here during the winter.. "Check your trap lines daily..."

Now, in our main bathroom there has been a smell.... a horrible smell for the past two days. I have scrubbed everything in it from the toilet to the walls and I cannot get rid of the smell. My man keeps asking me when I am going to clean the bathroom because the smell is terrible. I was almost in tears because I HAD cleaned it~ many times over!

Well, last night I was getting all the trash ready to be hauled and when I opened the cabinet for the bathroom trash.........oh! the smell. Behind the trash can was a mouse trap that I had set... and forgot.

There was my smell... a dead mouse at that stage where....where your eyelids curl in and your lungs send out an involuntary "Cease and Desist" order because the pain of breathing in is just more than your nose can handle. Oh, it was AWFUL!!!

I was down in the cabinet cleaning up the mess when one of the boys (he's lucky I didn't turn around to find out who.) walks by and says "Hey mom, check your trap lines daily!"

If my lungs would have been working he'd have gotten an ear full. But as it was they weren't.
And, after all, it was good advice from his mother.....

Bloom where you are planted

We have rocks at the entrance to our drive way. In front of those rocks is road base. tons and tons of road base. My mind refused to comprehend road base..... The dirt around our home has spoiled me to the point I do not understand the statement
"soil too poor to grow anything."

So this spring I planted some of my favorite sunflowers right down in the road base in front of the entrance rocks and waited patiently for them to bring me a smile.

I was not disappointed. Today as I left to take Bethany to piano lessons I looked at the bare spot in front of my entrance rocks and to my surprise one stubborn, stubborn, stunted sunflower had made his way into the world and bloomed to brighten my day.

Don't get me wrong, I have fifty plus other sunflowers in a patch sharing their beauty with all who pass, I love them ...... but they will never be as beautiful as this little flower.

For they have lived a life of ease...

He grew when he shouldn't have.

He grew in spite of his surroundings.

He didn't care how hard it was.

He grew anyway.

He did well.

The Human Jack

If a tire needs changing and no jack doth appear..

Find the Holverson boys and harbor no fear...

With two on the front and two in behind

You'll have it all changed in a moment of time.

Then off you will go, be it sage brush or snow

hunting deer, elk, and rabbit or even buffalo.

For what is bred in the bone will come out in the flesh

Fall is for hunting and not for rest.

They will fill up our larder, as full as can be.........

But I prefer beef ~ Shhh, don't tell on me.

Not really, I am very blessed to have so many skilled men in my life, who provide plenty of meat for their family. And it is good.

Thieving Wolves....

Idaho hunters are being bad mouthed for killing wolves in Idaho. Connecticut based "Friends of Animals" (I'm not actually sure "what" animals they are friends with~ obviously nothing the wolf eats...) But Friends of the Animals is encouraging everyone to boycott Idaho potatoes as long as wolf hunting is allowed. Would you like a little piece of sad history? In 1990 a bill lay on the desk of then Gov. Cecil Andrus that if passed would become the most restrictive state abortion law in the nation. If he signed it, guess what everyone was threatening to do? Boycott Idaho potatoes. Andrus caved and vetoed the bill.

I don't claim to be a very smart person and I am far from a Saint. But there is something seriously askew in a culture that will boycott potatoes for killing a thieving mangy dog AND boycott potatoes for allowing a human being to live.

Hunting is part of Idaho's heritage, a heritage that includes wiping the wolves out to protect ourselves the first time. If you don't like it ~you should have picked a different state to put them in. With a family of ten people, we eat a lot of potatoes. We will be standing in line this fall, to hunt wolves and buy potatoes. And we will apologize to no one.

This is Good.

My summer has been an emotional roller coaster. Starting with Zachary's accident on Mother's day down to last week when Dr. Mills told us Zachary would need a second surgery. It has been two days since our CT follow up and I have not written the results. The truth is........ I don't know how to. I don't know how to put into words the emotion.

First I want you to know that I do not believe in "Faith Healing".
I do not believe that a preacher or anyone for that matter can slap someone on the head with an oily palm screaming "Be healed in Jesus!" and when that person rises up he is wonderfully healed.

What I do believe in is fervent prayer.

I believe in God's love.

I believe in God's goodness.

and I believe that God has healed my son.

On Tuesday morning we went to Dr. Mills office. Now, Dr. Mills is a steady Eddie, no emotion, no drama, no personality......... it's what bugs me about him because when I am upset everyone else should be too.

But today he was struggling, talking in circles, using words that were so far over my head.....
The CT scan was on his computer. He kept zooming in and out on different pictures and bone fragment and then he would point to the x~ray and shake his head. The way he was acting just made me sick and honestly for the first five minutes I thought my son was dead in the water. Finally he leans back and says "I just don't know what to tell you but the damage is not showing where I saw it first in the x-ray............

Then it hits me, he is upset because he thinks he was wrong not because something is wrong...

So I stutter out "This is good?"

He is agitated because I am stupid. "Yes, it's good, but obviously I have two conflicting reports so you will need to see a specialist out of Boise to confirm what I am saying."
The second opinion I didn't even have to ask for.....
He continues "If he concludes that the damage is on the inner part of the arm instead of the outer part where originally shown then we will do another follow up in three months and postpone surgery, at least for now........". I didn't here the rest.
My mind just kept screaming "This is good!" "God is good!"
I was so distracted that when I left the office I left everything there.... the disk with the CT scan, the copy of the x-rays, everything I needed to take to Dr. Showwalters. I guess I will need to pick that up the next time I am in town.
We see Dr. Showwalters on September 25.

God is good. To Him be the glory.

Blue Skies never fade...

Sorry, I don't even know what to call it but I thought the clouds looked pretty.

Of Books and Learning

A house is not a home, unless it contains food and fire for the mind as well as the body.

~Benjamin Franklin

This morning after chores we all gathered in the class room to sort books for our lessons this winter. I love the smell of old books. I love the smell of new books for that matter. Solomon declared "Of the making of books there is no end..." I couldn't agree more. In the past ten years of homeschooling I have bought and traded and read and scrapped more books than I can count. It is one of the heaviest responsibilities I have as a mother. I know the brain food I set in front of them will make or break them for the rest of their lives. And I take that serious. Most of our books could never be resold because a portion of them have lines drawn through the text and a handwritten note saying "your parents do not want you to read this because God's word says....."
Or " read this part but look up this verse afterward and see how the author has strayed from the teachings of Christ." I am not afraid to ruin a book regardless of the price.



My children are allowed much freedom in choosing what they want to learn for the year. Very rarely do I have to rewrite their lessons. The one exception is the Civil War. They are Civil War buffs. If given the chance they would study it and only it every single year!
I know, it is unbelievable that any child of mine would love to hear how private citizens stood up to the Government and said "YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!" Just call me Johnny Reb.
What I have done is compromised....and you though that was impossible for me?

~ Quit picking on me would ya?

Anyway, I get them one new book to read about the Civil war per year, that way it doesn't consume the entire time but they still get their fix.


The two older boys have read through most of G.A. Henty's historical fiction and Cody is starting on Ballantyne. This year I will turn their reading to more of a serious matter and have them read from leading Preachers like John R. Rice, Voddie Baucham, Mike Pearl and others on topics of home life and home leadership. It's time for that I guess. The younger boys will start in on historical fiction toward the end of this year.



One thing I noticed about my girls especially Grace, she has kind of been slighted. I have catered to the older ones in our group reading ~she had learned to sit through adult stories, biographies and classics. Even her bedtime books are geared toward Bethany. Chapter books like Elsie Dinsmore and such. She has missed out on children's books like Alice in Bibleland and Seuss.

They are all still on the shelf but I have not read them to her... she pulled one out while we were there .. "Oh, the thinks you can think.." So I sat down to read to her, part way through she said "Momma, what's a Zong?" as in ~You can wonder how long is the tail of a Zong? I said "Well, a Zong is an imaginary creature that the author made up."
"Yeah, but that's silly, I'm done with this book..." and back on the shelf it went.

I've ruined her.

Some books are bound in our hearts such as "All the places to love", when a new baby is coming. "Blueberries for Sal" at huckleberry time. "Pickin' Pea's" is read in July. "Burt Dow deep water man".... they named our boat the Tidly Idly II. "Summer of the Monkeys"...~ Often when calling everyone to dinner you will hear...Come an' get it or I'll feed it to the chickens!!!
"Christies Old Organ"....My favorite one for fall is "The Oxcart man". Thanksgiving is rounded off with "The Little Pilgrims" and "America's Lost Dream". Or "William Bradford~Plymouth's Faithful Pilgrim." There are still remainders of tree houses out front after we read "Robinson Crusoe". And I could go on and on... in fact I did didn't I?
Well, I'll quit now but what a blessing to live in a time where so many books are available to anyone who will take the time to pick one up.

You get a Line....

I'll get a pole.

We'll go fishing in the crawfish hole...........................

I love this time of year.... yeah, I know I keep saying that. I promise ~about the end of November you will get a reprieve for about four months. Bear with me okay? But this time of year there is so much food at my fingertips. And crawdads are one of them.
I don't know how many times I have to tell Cody not to play with his food.
Mmmmmmm they were good.

Killin' Time at the County Fair

Is there any thing better than the fair?

The time to get out and see

what others have been doing all summer!

Finally! we have bathed the last goat,

rabbit and chicken for this year!

I'm afraid the child didn't know what to expect the first time down...by the second she was tucking in her arms and legs and flying off the end of that slide.

she flew so far she missed the cushion at the end.

A rare sight, the last four finalists for showmanship were all Holversons. Kelly, a neighbor called it the "Holverson Monopoly". I laughed and told him if he ever wanted to repent for raising cows and convert to goats, we'd welcome him with open arms.

(actually, I love cows too.) I will always treasure this picture because as children grow, they move on..

David, didn't show this year because of his job. Cody will follow next... Andrew and Zachary will show pigs, so the only two I have showing goats will be my girls... they will never all be in the ring together. this is as close as it will get.

Grace and her doeling, Thistle, learning the ropes. Actually, both those goats are from my dairy herd, the little gal in the back bought her goat from me this spring. I am interested to see, in future years, how they will shape up.

Fair Fun

Do you know one of the greatest gifts my boys have given me?

They are not embarrassed to be with me.

They offer me their arm and walk me through crowds

like it was the most natural thing in the world.

I am so thankful for our relationship.

Couldn't have been too bad, they are going again.
Carnival workers are a breed all their own aren't they?

The boys really enjoyed this ride.

Beth rode on it too but I am pretty sure

I heard her screaming as she swirled past

that she would never get back on it....and she didn't.

Only one left small enough to enjoy the carousal.

Grace took this picture.....

I can only imagine what he was saying to her.

Zac's Update

Just returned home from the doctor, and according to the doctor, Zachary's growth plate on one bone in his arm is not growing. He has ordered another CT scan on it tomorrow. Basically if one bone growth is retarded from the injury and the other one's growth is normal The arm will twist and become deformed. I am so surprised because he has had the best time the past two months, no pain, everything working pretty much like it should ~ his movement is a little stiff and he still can't feel the area but over all he's been doing good.

The doctor gave us three options and then knocked two of them off leaving us one.........

1) wait for the arm to quit growing and then cut the correct bone to match the one that did not grow.... this is not advisable because the deformation will have already occurred and may be irreparable.

2) go in and surgically damage the healthy bone and retard the growth on it as well. This will work and pretty much be unnoticeable if Zachary only grows another inch or two. But if he grows significantly ~say another six inches it will be clearly visible that one arm is shorter than the other. ~At thirteen and five foot ten........... who knows? but I'd take a shorter arm over a twisted one.

3) If the damage is only in a small part of the growth plate they could possibly bore it out and allow the healthy part to grow up around it. Allowing both bones to grow at the same rate as each other and as the other arm as well..... this will only work if the dead part is tiny and he emphasised TINY, and of course we all know that Zachary's injuries were not tiny. ~Probably not an option.

There is hope that the CT scan will show the growth difference to be so minimal that we could hold off and do another CT scan in two months and maybe find that it was not as bad as originally shown today. Dr. Mills declared this to be a very remote possibility........... obviously he does not know my Father. Or understand the power of prayer.

Please keep Zachary in your prayers..... He's a trooper and will accept whatever the Lord allows. But his momma would sure like to skip this one.

At the very least I think I will take him to Dr. Larsen for a second opinion.

Putting Up and Catching Up

There was a time, a few years back that I was so busy around here, I swore Shane was going to have to take a second wife........ I would often voice this opinion to him and always received the same answer..
"NO WAY!! I can't even handle the one I got!"
My boys have always been a great help but there are certain things that are just women's work and they had their own men's work to do.........
Now days I praise God for daughters. At nine and seven they are amazing help. They are so skilled and competent, much more so than I was at their age or even at the time I married their daddy for that matter. It is such a blessing to be able to say ~this needs done and know that they will do it and do it well. Here, Bethany is putting up fresh chili peppers for winter. I looked at the price of canned chili's at the store~ the price times how many cans we would go through in a year, Bethany saved us over forty dollars in an hours worth of work. But, she saved me more than that ~she freed up that hour for me ~so that I could tackle other things too.

Indeed, her price is far above rubies.

Thanks girls, you'll never know how much your momma appreciates you.

Maybe I need a tractor...

Well, I had a pretty productive morning yesterday. I mucked out the ugly closet in my bed room, organized my cellar, picked enough beans and cukes to do several batches of canning,and totally cremated two DIFFERENT hoses in my gardens watering system AND all before noon!

What a woman, eh? Funny, it was only the hoses that got the attention... it was 11:30 I still had a half hour before everyone would be wanting lunch so decide to get some tilling done. I didn't have that dumb thing running for ten seconds before I sucked up one of my hoses and wound it tight around the tines..... "AAAAANDREW!!!!" Andrew is my johnny-on-the-spot guy.. If Momma can break it ~Andy can fix it. He comes a runnin' and when he gets it all untangled he says "Aww, mom. you shredded it and I am out of repair kits.......here let me till."

No Way! I never get to till (any clue as to why?) So he starts it for me and off I go.... right down the row and guess what is waiting on the other side? "AAAAANDREW!!!!!" ~I already told you what Andrew does. But this time he says "Mom, dad is goooonnnna have you! That is two in one day you've shredded ~please let me till?"

"Don't whine son, it's not manly....you just walk on ahead of me and make sure I don't hit anything else." And with that I finished my tilling.

When Shane called at lunch I had to report " I don't want to talk about it, but you need to pick up two hose repair kits on the way home."

He gives me that chuckle.....oh, I hate that chuckle.... it sounds like... like a "Woman, how would you ever survive without me?" chuckle.

Then he tells David ~ hey, mom needs two hose repair kits.... and in the background I can hear a big sigh followed by "who let her on the the lawn mower?"

I'd pout...but pouting doesn't work through the phone so I say "well, if you must know ~it wasn't the lawn mower but the tiller."
That is instantly followed by him saying "Where's Cody?????????"

"Swimming. why else do you think I was allowed to touch it?"

FYI, the front of my garden is tilled and ready for garlic, lettuce and cabbage. My hoses have been repaired by the men in my life and everything is back to normal.... today, I would like to run the tiller down a few other rows.......that is if I can get past it's body guards.

Building for the Future

Every wise woman buildeth her house:

but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

Proverbs 14:1

It is strange here that God would say a wise woman builds~ that's a man's job (Genesis). My husband is a great builder. He builds beautiful cabinets and wonderful buildings. It's amazing to me that I can simply bring him a picture of what I want and he can build it.

But me? Oh no, I can't build at all................ in fact, the boys have been trained by their dad from the time they were little~ that if they see momma with a tool in her hand they are to take it away! It was easier when they were little, I could over power them. LOL.

Now days they say respectfully but with manly authority "Mom, hand over the drill and nobody gets hurt." and if that doesn't work they negotiate.. "Come on mom, I'll do it for you." Until like a cornered convict I hand over what ever tool I happened to want to use and point to what I want done.

Thankfully, however, there are many ways for a woman to build her house both physically and spiritually. And it doesn't require a hammer....well, it could ~but it doesn't have to.

We can build spiritually, and it will have temporal and eternal blessings.

If I sit around stewing all day about faults I see in my husband or my children~I am not building but plucking. I must pray, pray for the fault and for me... after all they are probably mirroring my behavior.

Prayer builds.

If I mope because of things I do not have instead of caring for and being thankful for the things I DO have ~ again I am plucking. A woman of God, although told to be meek, quiet and submissive to her man is not a frump or a door mat. She must have a business mind for the economy of her home. When there are precious few pennies~ every cent must stretch and do everything it can for the comfort of those in her care. If it won't stretch it is her job to create more~ Not by abandoning her post and joining the world but by working along side her children and under the authority of her husband.

Unity builds.

The Home~ an economically viable, independent community where everyone works for the common good and the advancement of the cause of Christ.

Working together builds.

"Buildeth" Every bible verse understood and committed to memory~committed to use~ is a brick in the wall being fortified to resist Satan. The Bible is God's love letter to us. Every time my children see me love their daddy or answer them sweetly I set the mortar.

Love builds.

But what about those days... those days when my back hurts, the math lesson impossible or we were stuck in the car all day long? Some times I am just not pretty~ in fact it is easy to stand on Satan's side and fire cannons at my own walls. In the Army it is called "friendly fire" but I see nothing friendly about it and it does more damage than the enemy ever could. Oh, Lord help me to build not only this home but with an eye on the future~ their homes as well. Please teach me to shut my mouth~ to pray~ to smile when it is hard. There is generation after generation depending on it. Children are wonderful at playing follow the leader.

A soft answer turneth away wrath............

Let your speech be always with grace.................

Letting Go...

Hmmm. I'm not sure I can write this one.

Early February my lead doe gave birth to two little kids. And Bethany instantly fell in love with the female. She was half Boer so qualified for a market meat goat competition. Bethany decided that "Carmel" would be her project. I tried to talk her out of it because Carmel was little and females do not grow as fast as wethers. Nothin' doin'. Every day for the next six months Bethany would head outside to feed and brush and play with Carmel.

It is surprising how things grow with love and a little grain. I wish Bethany would have decided to care for the two orphans I have out there struggling to survive under my care.... I am keeping them for breeders because they are full Boer but they could sure use some of Bethany's TLC. Carmel grew and grew and soon passed all the other market wethers we had out in the pasture. Bethany was the perfect mother, putting everything she had into her goat.

A few weeks back Bethany was peeling potatoes and I was fixing dinner when she asked "Momma, are you going to buy back the goats if they go resale after the auction?"

Yes, I was because I can always buy them cheaper on the floor price and then make a little money on them by selling them privately. It's a business move and nothing more but I was afraid she would ask to keep Carmel so I answered with a question of my own...

"Why?"

"Ah, I was just thinking she's a female and it would be a shame to have someone eat her. Would you try to find her a good home first?"

Whew! Find her a good home? Yes, I could do that. I had several people waiting for breeders or weed eater... yes, I could find her a good home. I just didn't want to have to winter an extra goat. It was a pretty good bet that Carmel would go resale....goats always went resale....Bethany was happy.

Fast forward a few weeks and she is now sitting in the auction ring.... a butcher from St. Anthony is bidding on Carmel and wins the bid.... $275......she waits, and waits, but no one hollers out resale. Carmel will be kept and butchered.

I guess I don't have to explain the tears.........

or the torment of a mother watching them..................

The butcher would pick her up at six that night. All day long my multiple personalities fought with each other:

Mom Me:
You could just offer him two of the wethers... after all he's a business man, double the meat for her, he'd take it.

Business Me:
That is totally impractical you know. After all you are a business woman too. You know better than to be ruled by emotions. We are talking about a goat here!

Mom Me:
What good is being the boss if you can't use it for the comfort of your family? She is so upset. She already had to give up her dog this spring. You can't let her be so unhappy.

It was not pretty. A long day to say the least. I spent a lot of time in prayer. And a lot of time simply lost for a solution. My heart was breaking for my daughter.

In the end the Mom Me won... but not as you may expect.

My Lord and I had a long heart to heart and as He renewed my
vision for my children it all became clear.

Carmel went with the butcher.

How could I? I'm cruel! I know, but you see I was reminded ~ my job is not to make life smooth and soft for my children. My job is to lead their hearts to their Saviour. I will not always be here to do things for them. Oh, God, I pray that I will leave this earth before they do. So, who will she have after that? Who must she turn to for comfort?

Jesus..

He is the only one who will never fail her. I must help her to understand that His will is perfect. I must teach her to walk in the storm with her heart full of faith and mind full of peace. She cannot rely on me or any other flesh. She must turn to him and him alone. There are trials ahead for my sweet little girl. Trials more severe than the death of a goat. I cannot not stop them nor should I want to. Her growth is much more precious than that.


Bethany no longer wore the smiling face of a grand champion, she was so distracted watching for the buyer she couldn't even pose for pictures. But in the end, she understood. The consolations of God are not small with his children.

She walked away from the fair grounds alone but at peace.

Momma Said....

Have you ever heard that animals take on the personality of their owners? Poor Chief deserves better than me. I'm afraid you'll have to click on his picture to get the full effect and then I'll tell you about it.

We have had a cold and wet summer. Even after a complete muck out there is still a lot of "scum" in the corral area that I just cannot seem to get rid of. To make matters worse the dyke that protects the barn from the irrigated pasture broke the last time we irrigated and flooded the corral AGAIN. Nobody was happy about it except Chief and General... guard dogs turned puppy when the water made them a nice place to splash.

Here is where poor Chief needs a new personality to take on. He was running through the corral with ears and jowls just a flappin' when one big dumb foot stepped on the other big dumb foot and before he could react he was torpedoed face first under the water....and all it's scum. It was no longer fun and he came totally humbled and whimpering looking for someone to love him better.

Man o' man have I ever had days like that... only it's not usually my feet that land me in a pile but my mouth! Sometimes my speech has about as much grace and tact as...as.....well, as a Newfie running through a mud puddle. There are days that I cry out to God "Oh, why didn't you just make me mute???"

The bible repeatedly warns us that our tongue is as dangerous as a sword. The wounds we give can be deadly, maybe not to the body but deadly to the soul. The hardest part to remember is that the ones we love the most are the ones who we tend to be hardest on....................

How many times have I been in the middle of dressing down one of my children and the phone rings and I am instantly sugar sweet to the caller on the line? I'd be ashamed if I could actually count them all up. But it proves that I am in total control. I cannot say "you make me so angry!" because the truth is I make myself angry. I can turn it on and off like a switch. I cannot say "I've had a bad day" because all that shows is I am not resting in the protection of my Saviour. When my speech is less than gracious and my mood undesirable I have no one to blame but myself. NO ONE.

My Lord has been convicting me of this lately, I have so many thoughts running a muck in my head I can't get them all straight. I will have to post more on this later. Until then I am going to practice speaking softer and smiling sweeter.

I just might find I like it.

From Boys to Men

This is a journal entry from two years ago.... I was reminded of it today when a water fight broke out during chore time. It turned into a wrestling match between the older three.... At 180lbs a piece and almost exactly the same height. No one could come out on top for very long.

They all lay laughing and exhausted on the lawn afterwards and it was very hard not to go sit on them myself and declare myself the victor! I was afraid of being challenged though, and even as tired as they were I'd have been thrown in the water trough!

Not really, they are very careful with their old Ma.

... at the time we had a buck goat that we called Stinky Pete. Mean, I know. He started out with a romantic name but he had such a nasty, evil temper... well, you'd call him Stinky Pete too.

It begins...

Gird up now thy loins, like a man... Job 38:3

How fast little boys become men, I look at mine and stand in awe of what a few years will do.

Yesterday, I saw David and Cody each at different times provoke our new buck~ just so they could force him under their control. Now, I will be the first to admit that he is the nastiest creature ever created and needs very little provoking before he attacks, I have bruises on my legs that I think will never heal, and more than once have hobbled out of the pasture after being slammed against the fence by him. Stinky Pete is headed for a Mexican taco as soon as I can raise up a replacement.

My boys, however, went out of their way. Walking up to him and standing right next to him. He would stomp and grunt and push with his head and then finally attack. He weighs about 150 lbs so David has about seven pounds over him and Cody none. Before it was over both boys would be triumphantly sitting on him with his head pinned to the ground. When released Stinky Pete would run away chewing the whole time and they would turn around reeking of buck, to notice that I was standing there watching........

head slung low and giving me that "I'm caught" grin...... They should have been twins~ hours apart this situation played its self out in pretty much the same way twice.

"Son, a real man doesn't go looking for a fight to prove he is strong....he just uses his strength to protect those in his care when there is a threat."

"Yes 'um."

"You stink, go bath."

"Yes 'um.......... mom, he's been at me and tempting me for days....... I had to show........"

I look up at him and he walks away, leaving the sentence unfinished. When God gave Adam and all the sons of Adam the right to take dominion of the earth~ He must have laid it on the younger ones a little thick.

Some day they will stand, as the guardians of their own gates. Oh, how I pray that they will stand, not as hot headed youth, spoiling for a fight but as compassionate guards waiting to protect all in their care and fight only when necessary.

A wise man is strong, yea a man of knowledge increaseth strength.

Proverbs 24:5

August Flowers

Okay, maybe God's favorite color isn't just green.......

I wish all of my wildflower patch looked like this. But for some reason I cannot wrap my mind around the "wild" part. I fret when there are weeds in my patch and really go nuts when there is quack grass.... well the front part of the flower bed had so much grass that I finally sprayed it! Wouldn't ya know the only thing that survived the spraying was the grass.... I will be replanting it next spring. I hope when I get to heaven God makes me a groundskeeper.... I'd love to see how things grow in a world without weeds and rotten weather........

The Gatherers

The word gets out like Sutter's Mill. They're on!

It's happening like gold in the sluice box,

the huckleberries are ripe.

Now.

Hmmmm. How does one describe the flavor of a huckleberry? I don't know. But that little berry has been the cause of my August mountain trek for almost twenty years now. It has been the draw for thousands of others for decades before me. While Shane and I were dating, I told him of the huckleberries we use to harvest in the mountains of Montana. He surprised me one day by taking me huckleberry picking in Idaho???!!! Who knew?

From that time forward I have gone every year to the same mountain and rarely has it failed me. That mountain has shared many memories of life with me. One year I sought relief from my aching head and churning stomach in the fresh air as morning sickness threatened to consume me, the next year David rode in a back pack as I picked berries and Cody grew making me just as sick. Summer after Summer my boys played and romped in those hills escaping our city lot. There is the dead tree, lovingly dubbed "the ship"... where my toddlers played for hours as I picked in the "Huckleberry sea" If you gave me the real name for that canyon I'd be lost but when one of the boys reports "There's berries at the ship." I always find my way.

There was the summer that Shane worked in Florida and I was so lonely, The hills again were my consolation the summer his mother died, and the summer my father died. There was the year Rob tumbled down the hill and when he hit the bottom all anyone wanted to know was "did you spill the bucket?" There was the summer we moved to the farm and now it only takes seventeen minutes to make it to the mountain! How about the year we traded a gallon for a goat? Or the year Grace ate the cow pie......... memories, memories shared, to be brought to remembrance year after year.

I guess before you turn me in for letting her eat a cow pie, I should tell you that Grace was a year old and couldn't walk yet... I set her down in front of a bush so she could pick and eat, she loved to pick and eat, when her bush was bare she started crawling up the trail to me and stuck her hand in a fresh cow pie..... before I could jump up to get her~ she licked it off.. The forest resounded with gaging noises... hers,mine, the family up the hill......

Not one of my mothering moments that brings a swell of pride BUT we did live through it.

The older ones no longer play on the ship but they did show the younger ones all the great features it possessed before abandoning their post. They have stopped making stick guns to hunt down the "wild" cows that graze the bushes near by. And they no longer hide in the bushes from enemy cars coming to steal our berries. Now we have contests to see who can pick the most or who can go the longest with out eating one.... Zachary always wins that one, he doesn't like them.


We all pick different and have our favorite kind of berry to find. Shane keeps his bucket neat and clean, no needles or leaves, and what grates me is he still picks just as fast as the rest of us. I guess I am just a slob as NO ONE ever wants to clean my bucket of berries. Cody likes to find the tear drop shaped ones because they are the biggest and fill his bucket faster. The berries dictate the picking ~sometimes we pick alone scattered on the hill, other times close in a group all working in one patch.

As the boys have grown, they have capitalized on the huckleberry. When you have that many pickers you tend to get more berries than your family can consume. They along with hauling pipe and picking raspberries sell the huckleberries to earn their motorcycles.

We have met a lot of wonderful people through selling the berries, we have repeat customers year after year. My favorites, but the ones who break your heart, are the OP's..the spirit is willing to go but their bodies have betrayed them and they can no longer hike the mountain. They come with their own memories of huckleberry pickin'. They share their stories and we share a laugh but it always ends the same... a far off look and a shake of the head...." I just can't go anymore". What do you say besides "I'm sorry." They pay their money and promise to come back next year.

As the years roll on I know my time will come too. If the Lord wills that I live, there will be a time when I no longer can tread that mountain.

Then the phone will ring...

"Granny, do you want berries this year?" After all, my grandbabies will need dirt bikes too. I will answer "yes, I want two gallon, that's how many we had to put up when your daddy/ mommy was little."

But bring 'em to me fresh....not the berries, for like Zachary, I confess, I'm not a big fan. But the children.......... bring the children to me with the sunshine in their eyes, their hair full of the smell of pine sap and their lungs breathing deep of that mountain air. I want to see the lips, fingers and even their seats stained purple. Let them tell me their new memories and let me share my old ones.............

for that is the flavor of the huckleberry.

Hope Deferred

Shane has often said that he never worries about me spending too much money when I walk into a store. I'm not a shopper, I hate shoes and as long as the clothes cover me up... well, I'm good. My house decor is simple because I don't like to dust. I don't buy nick~nacks.

Spending money for me is never an issue unless......unless, it is a book store or a green house. Then I just about send my man into cardiac arrest. He has to budget me and budget me tight or I can't help myself.

In his defense, I have planted over three hundred trees and shrubs on our place since we moved here. In mine ....hmmmmm, I have no defense... yes, I do, I have gotten most of them for around a dollar a piece. (I know my soil conservation workers on a first name basis!).

Anyway, enough confessing here, the deer killed one of my apple trees over the winter and so this spring,

~~~~~~~I GOT TO GO TO LONE PINE!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~

As it would happen, I arrived just as they had finished unloading the biggest truck of bare root fruit trees a gal could get her hands on. I got first pick, all the pretty ones were still there!!

I left with an apple, and a plum, and a cherry.....oh, and a peach!

No, I didn't get them for a buck and I really wish you could have seen Shane's face. It was like that Visa commercial ~Priceless
.......... Sorta.

We got them all planted and watered and I was so excited about them, especially the peach. I have four other peach trees but they had been so spindly when I planted them( that is what happens when you get them for a buck) that they still were not ready to produce. But this one had bloom buds on it!! With in a year or two I would be canning peaches, that tree would catch up to if not pass the others.



Then the horror of horrors, every tree in the whole wide world leafed out...but not my peach. Everyday I would check it.... every day the wood felt more brittle. My tree was dieing.


I watered it and talked to it and gave it every tree remedy there is but those little buds stayed shut tight and I gave up. There is a one year warranty on them, but Lone Pine no longer had bare root, only potted trees for ten dollars more... I'm addicted but not insane. I left it in the ground to be dug up next spring for a replacement.

What a disappointment.

Have you ever been at that place? The place of hope deferred? Or maybe even, hope denied?

I have, I have written about a "safe" hope because I can tell you about a peach tree with out emotion.
But there are others ~things I wanted to do for and with my children that I am starting to see will simply not happen in their childhood. There are babies that I hoped for that are not coming.... after all Grace is seven, seven years of an empty womb, God is saying something.

There are places I wanted to take them, things I wanted to teach them. ~ No, we can't speak three different languages like I had hoped. Sometimes, I don't think we even speak English all that well.

I have this pang of anxiety, like I am racing a clock that marches on with much more efficiency than I could ever posses. There are times that my candle of hope flickers. I have to pray and pray hard just to keep it from blowing out altogether.


It would all be too much, if.... if it were not for the peace that my Saviour sends me. What a blessing to be able to crawl up in his lap and like a child with a skinned up knee cry out my frustration on his shoulder. " Lord, things are not going right! ...................... This and that are broken........... my son is hurt, Lord........and the doctors keep draining my savings.............. and my grandparents, Lord, they are so old and feeble, it hurts to watch them go through this ...........and Shane took another pay cut just to keep his job..... and something is making me up set.................... and Lord, you said...... you said!!!!!!"

Out it pours, in such a jumbled mess that if He did not have perfect ears he would not have understood. There I stay on my knees waiting, until I feel it, that peace, the peace that surpasses all understanding. Until I am standing in the middle of the storm but I myself am calm. Now, here is the hard part. To walk away and not pick all of my unloaded burden back up.

You've heard the saying "give your troubles to the Lord, he'll be up all night anyway." Well, something else I've learned ~It didn't catch Him by surprise. Me? You bet! Him? Never, and what's more ~He knows the way out. If I just rest, rest on His precious promises, it will all smooth out. And in the end it will be for my good. It will be perfect. Sometimes,I wish there was a fast forward button and I could just get to the good, but alas, it is in the walk that we grow.

July 26, my Gracie's birthday. We had a BBQ. While the steaks were grilling, my neighbor and I walked the grounds (she's addicted to green too) . We were discussing different plums and such when suddenly I see my peach tree. It was amazing. My tree, after months of struggle, when all reasonable hope had failed, my tree finally triumphed over it's challenge and lived. Battered and bruised but there it stood with tiny little leaves. I fought back the tears, after all you don't cry at parties especially when no one else understands the battle. "I've got to prune this." I said. "Get the dead out of here.... I can't believe that crazy thing made it." As the breeze rustled the newly unfurled leaves,They took on a deeper meaning. I heard the unspoken words direct from the heart of my Saviour.........

This too shall pass....

Hope deferred maketh the heart sick,

but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13:11

Visiting West Yellowstone

Shane asked me this Spring if I wanted to go through West Yellowstone?

I said "don't you think we should wait until the children are older?"

I wanted to spend a lot of time in the canyon area studying and that is quite a hike.

As he stood looking at the boys towering over me he asked

"How much older do you want them to get?" So, off we went.

I am glad we did not wait.

For some unexplainable reason as the children grow older so do I. It was me the canyon hike about killed. Although Grace, out of sympathy for her mother said she thought it was a hard hike too. What a beautiful day. We arrived so early in the morning that the mist was very heavy,

it made it hard to see much the first little while.

The paint pots.

Wild flowers abound in the park.



The paint pots are amazing. So many colors and
I couldn't believe how deep they were.

West Thumb

the paint pots.

the boardwalk of Yellowstone lake.

Taking the first of many breaks.


A trout at Yellowstone lake.