Be true to who you are…..

And the family name you bear……

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Waiting Is an Art

Waiting is an art that our impatient age has forgotten. It wants to break open the ripe fruit when it has hardly finished planting the shoot. But all too often the greedy eyes are only deceived; the fruit that seemed so precious is still green on the inside, and disrespectful hands ungratefully toss aside what has so disappointed them.
Whoever does not know the austere blessedness of waiting—that is, of hopefully doing without—will never experience the full blessing of fulfillment.
Those who do not know how it feels to struggle anxiously with the deepest questions of life, of their life, and to patiently look forward with anticipation until the truth is revealed, cannot even dream of the splendor of the moment in which clarity is illuminated for them.

And for those who do not want to win the friendship and love of another person—who do not expectantly open up their soul to the soul of the other person, until friendship and love come, until they make their entrance—for such people the deepest blessing of the one life of two intertwined souls will remain forever hidden.

For the greatest, most profound, tenderest things in the world, we must wait. It happens not here in a storm but according to the divine laws of sprouting, growing, and becoming.


Saturday, October 30, 2010

Cody's buck

Deer season is over and Cody now joins the ranks with his brothers as having bagged a big game animal this year.... It is a pretty nice buck but we only Euro mounted him as Cody already has one bigger on the wall.  Great job son, now let's go make some jerky!  The only hunting left now is trapping and an elk tag to fill the first of December.


Is pregnant!!!  In all the chaos that has surrounded my life this past year one tiny miracle almost went unnoticed by me...

Jerling, the mini cow I bought a year and a half ago is going to have a baby next spring!  The Vet said either the end of March or the first part of April.  We were preparing to move them from their summer pasture and bring them home.  I wanted her toes trimmed so I made an appointment with the vet and while we were there I had him do a preg check.  I was so shocked when he immediately said  "Oh, yeah, she's definitely pregnant.."  And shrugged it off like it was nothing......I had to forgive him for his casual announcement because not everyone knows the struggle it has been to get her to settle.  :)

But settle she has and just the other side of this winter I will have more milk and cream than I will know what to do with.  Yeah!!!!  I hope it's a girl....

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Psalm 126

When the Lord turned again the captivity of Zion,
We were like them that dream.

Then was our mouth filled with laughter,
and our tongue with singing:
then said they among the heathen,

The Lord hath done great things for us;
whereof we are glad.

Turn again our captivity, O Lord,
as the streams in the south.

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

He that goeth forth and weepeth,
bearing precious seed, 
shall doutless come again with rejoicing,
bringing his sheaves with him.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good sucess.

Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage, be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest. 
Joshua 1:8,9

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Why I Write...

I began this blog in February of  2009.  Until that time I wrote in a journal...  Page after smeared page from a left handed writer now sit in my bottom drawer waiting for a time when my children want to be reminded of their mothers love for them.
I like my blog a lot better, no smears, I can reword any section I want with a click of the mouse and best of all SPELL CHECK!!!! :)

I started sharing my blog with others a few months later.  Something I often wish I hadn't done.

You see, I don't write "for all of the world to read" but for Shane and my children. If the Lord wills that I should live to be old, there will come a time when my mind has betrayed me and my footsteps are ragged and slow.  I want them to have a written remembrance of my love.  Or should my last day be today and I never have a chance for that final  "I love you" ....I want them to find it here.

I want my children and husband to forever understand that I do not have a heart beat of my own but simply the echo of their heart, beating in my chest .  Why I do the things I do and believe what I believe... that is here also.

I think this blog is a great way for those we don't see very often to keep up with what we are doing, it makes it easy for me too. For that reason alone, I leave it public.  But there are others, others who sometimes make my blog hard to write.

If you disagree with something I write...the comment box is there. I don't mind that they see opposition.. it causes us to research our beliefs more thoughtfully and our beliefs become more concrete by that.  If I offend you, however,....... tough.  I won't apologize and I certainly won't change it.  I didn't write it for you, and while it is sitting here for you to read, that doesn't mean you have to.

Maybe I should put at the top... This blog is dedicated to my God and the men and women who make my life worth living......if you don't like it ~ make yer own.  Ahhh, but then my attitude would be showing wouldn't it?

At any rate, children get to doing what you do best...making your momma proud.  I can't wait to see what I write next.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

We Have

a winner for the Proverbs 31 giveaway......

Georgia Girl from HT!!!

If you go to the girls blog   you can pick a scarf they have already made or when you email me your address you can request a different color and they will get started on it right away.

Thanks everyone for entering, they had a wonderful time receiving all the entries and kind comments.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

What Happens

When the guys go hunting and find an old watering trough.......

They go on a roller coaster ride...

And fish......

They cross the Delaware.....

And take a bath....

 Then they do some funky version of  hear no, see no, say no evil....

 But mostly they just make me smile......


  WOOHOO!!! Andrew got his bear!! They are pulling stands today and heading home on Friday.  I made it through.... I know they have to grow up sometime but having him at 13 sitting in a tree alone, surrounded by hungry bears just about made me nuts.. But he is safe and made an awesome shot.  He called his momma from the stand.  I was the first one to know, even thought the rest of his hunting party was less than five miles away.  Maybe there is a little bit of apron string laying around here after all. :)

Great Job Drew!! Six days of sitting has finally paid off. 
We're all proud!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Drunk...

I found it....

Why do I drink, I do not know
I guess I'm just a poor lost soul.
I had everything money could buy,
But acted like a fool when they passed the Rye.

I drink so fast to ease the pain
of life, love and all lost fame.
The first drink always burns so bad,
The morning after I feel so sad.

I swore to quit, like times before,
by noon I shake and walk the floor.
I drank so much I ruined my life,
I lost my job, my pride, my wife.

I beg you people throughout this land
leave it alone while you still can.
As for me my life is lost,
for a drink I must have at any cost....
~Frank Norris Clark

Monday, September 27, 2010

Nooo Bears

are out tonight......the boys keep putting them in my free~zer.......  This guy is huge.  Way to go David!  Now you bigger boys stay out of the stands and let Andrew get his so we can be done.  There is another bear up there that is bigger than this one.  David told everyone " Don't tell mom that or she won't let us sit up here alone any more."  Smart boy......

Saturday, September 25, 2010


I'm not sure you can see this.... but apparently even when I break the child labor laws as a harsh task master the girls still love me.  We have canned and brought in things from the garden all day. Just before bed I had them shake the dill seed from the heads.  When I went to check their work, well all I can say is they passed with flyin' colors. :)  I'll do the rest later.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Proverbs 31 ~Giveaway!

Who can find a virtuous woman? 
for her price is far above rubies.....
She seeketh wool, and flax, 
and worketh willingly with her hands......
She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: 
her candle goeth not out by night......
She layeth her hands to the spindle, 
and her hands hold the distaff......
She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, 
she reacheth forth her hands to the needy......
She is not afraid of the snow for her household: 
for all her household are clothed with scarlet..........
She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; 
her clothing is silk and purple............
She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; 
and delivereth girdles unto the merchant..........

My little gals have been trying out their new homemaking skills.  Between the two of them they have prepared  us for winter by knitting a scarf  for each of us.
I think they were a little disappointed that there were only ten of us to clothe.

They use the "homespun" style of yarn and it produces a soft and warm scarf, that their brothers will be thankful to have at chore time during the winter.

Since they have ran out of bodies to care for here at home they have decided, in the spirit of Proverbs 31 to make some for the homeless shelter in IF and to make a few to sell.  To give them a jump start I am buying one and having a give away here on my blog.  All you need to do to enter is leave a comment or send me an email letting me know you want to enter.  If you win I will let you pick the color.......if you don't win you can always buy one from the girls for $10.  They will let you pick your color too... :) Drawing ends Oct 1st.

***I have to add this disclaimer.  While "she perceives that her merchandise is good"  we also need to remember that my girls are young......8 and 10. Therefore you will probably "perceive flaws", all of which adds to the unique charm of a handmade scarf.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Critter Getters

I know....getter is not a word.   Actually, I just looked it up and it is.  Getter ~ one who gets.  Who knew?
Anyhow, it is that time of year.....the time of year when the Neanderthal instinct surfaces in my men.
The time of year as my girls and I gather around the warmth of the stove to preserve this years harvest, the men folk head for the woods to fill our larder with meat.  This weekend they brought home the wild bacon.  Unfortunately I am not talented enough to cook him in  anyway that makes him palatable.   I can't remember if it was last year or the year before but after one such failed meal ~ Shane declared bears officially "dog food".   I must admit I was relieved (one can only take so much rejection).... and with two very large guardian dogs and now Codys' hound,
dog food  is always in high demand. 

So welcome Autumn, I look forward to your slower pace... Hunt on boys, the girls and I will keep the home fires burning.

BTW~  Congratulations Zac! That was an awesome shot.  Mom's proud of you.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

A Time to Die..

To everything there is a season
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance.
I have seen the travail, 
which God hath given to the sons of men 
to be exercised in it.

My mom has passed.  It still doesn't seem real.  I have struggled with her for so long, and it was so time consuming that I can't quite remember how I filled these big gaps of time in my day before she got sick.  Then again I look at my weed patch of a garden and my war battered children and I remember a time that was better. A time when the children and I sat and read for hours on end, or talked around the fire, a time when we laughed just because it felt good to do so.... ah, I will find that again.  I will treasure it more.

"Exercised" is a good word to describe the last year of our lives.  We've been stretched and pulled until some days I thought we would break.  But the Lord was ever faithful and we have emerged all the better for it. He is so good, so very good to me.

I should write more, but I am just too tired to relive it.  I will just say that because of her alcoholism she drank until she shrunk her brain, and could no longer walk or talk, she drank until she killed her bone marrow and could no longer produce white blood cells, she drank until she killed her liver and kidneys and ammonia built up in her system... and then when we thought we had all of that manageable she had a stroke and died.  

Any teen that thinks drinking is cool should have to spend a day caring for one such as my mother. They should change diapers or try to feed her and watch her choke as her brain struggles to remember how to preform the simple task of swallowing.   They should be forced to see where drinking REALLY leaves you.  I have a poem some where that my dad wrote about being a drunk.. He too died from booze.  Five years ago, almost to the day.

I'll find it and post it, just not today. Today, I and my children are going to get reacquainted...

I hope the sun shines.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Homeland Security...

Holverson style.

When my boys were little, (they were little once weren't they?) they were featured on the front page of the newspaper, packing guns.  Our first snow of the year had arrived in October and the boys began building a fort the second they jumped out of bed.  From behind their icy walls they hunted Indians, burglars and deer with play rifles.  A newspaper reporter saw them and couldn't resist.... The feedback it created was mixed. While at the grocery store the clerk recognized our name on my check and told them how cute they were, another asked if they hit what they were shooting at (of course). 

One teacher, however, took their picture to her class room and used it as an example of irresponsible parenting... "What parent would allow their children to play like they were killing ANYTHING???"  Of course, because I am so meek.... eh-hem..... I gently ( kinda) explained to her that the reason she was allowed to teach on this blessed soil was because of men who knew how to handle guns and IF our homeland were ever to be invaded ~ she'd be thankful they knew how to use one.

My children are taught from the time their limbs are strong enough to lift a gun, how it is they should use one.  they are trained and drilled and drilled and trained until they not only know how to safely handle a gun but also how to hit a target with deadly accuracy.  I pity anything that stands in their cross hairs.

However, the teacher and I may have more in common than she ever realized, I am not training killers. I hope and pray that the day will never come that one of my own would have to take the life of another soul.  God's law tells us to love our enemies, but it also tells us to love God, our neighbor and our families.  It's a matter of the strong protecting the weak, a matter of saving a life that causes us to train our children for battle.

 Causes us to teach them to fight the good fight, both with their soul and their bodies.  To live lives that produce a clear conscious before God, so that in the end there will be no regrets. They are trained  to use guns to provide life for those in their care, be it  food or protection....

Lord willing, the world will never have to worry about one of the Shane Holverson clan using a gun in crimes against society, but neither will you find one of us dialing 911 asking someone else to protect us. 
That is in the training.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Medicine Lodge

Well, it was the first time this summer that I have been able to get away...been working overtime between the DDA's and my mother.  Shane took me to Medicine Lodge, and I think the Lord had been saving all the wild flowers up just for me.  It was beautiful, and the smell was just amazing!

My future home when I retire....stop laughing.

To allow the girls some freedom, Shane would allow Beth to drive the 4wheeler and I would put Grace on my lap and allow her to steer.  Over the blowing wind you could often hear her singing "I'll take you for a ride on my big green rhino.."  One time her tune was interrupted by the comment "Hey! you know what? I drive pretty good with my eyes closed!"  I am utterly convinced that 90% of the time we were careening totally out of control and she was loving every minute of it.  The other 10% I was clutching the steering wheel for dear life and she was trying to figure out how to pry my fingers off...... such a child.

About right here I, Grace and Berry got separated from the rest of the family... I stopped to take a picture not knowing that around the corner there was a fork in the road... I wasn't worried, but apparently I was the only one. I just stopped at the fork and waited for them to come back for me. Have you ever had a tongue lashing from five men?  It's not pretty. So to be brief I will just say they told me to get my nose out from behind the camera and drive!

They mine travertine up here, It looks so pretty to see mountains of it.


This would make a great place for formal family pictures IF you didn't have to get so windblown and dirty to reach it.

Bethany wanted some of the large pine cones from the tree that grew on the cliff.  Dad was her escort.

This is very familiar territory for my guys..they hunt here. They are reminiscing and showing mom where all their great hunts took place.

The entire place was in bloom.. and as you drove across it,  it smelled like strong lilac unless you hit the sage and then...well it smelled like sage.:)

Now....there is a family joke around our house ~whenever someone does something silly you will hear "that will end up on the blog!"  In all fairness, I am not as cruel as I could be, I keep a lot of photo's just for myself. BUT.... so that they can never accuse me of being one sided, here is yours truly with a tiny bit of wisdom.... If you are riding caboose, do NOT apply your lotion in the morning....dust will stick.

Friday, July 16, 2010

How fast they grow

I am having a hard time deciding who is growing faster.
The boy or his dog......

Monday, July 5, 2010

Dan's Bear

The boys and I were busy this weekend cleaning out a few skulls... yeah, I know.  They better talk sweet at my funeral!  They cleaned a bear skull for their Uncle Dan, it turned out nice.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Happy Anniversary !!!

As of yesterday I have been married 19 years.

I wish I could say something poetic and beautiful to express the past 19 year... but truth be told I am speechless~  The ups, the downs. The joys and the sorrows are really too much to put here. But the one thing I can honestly say is that I have grown to know true love, I have grown from a scrawny eighteen year old who didn't have a clue into an old bride who feels loved and cherished daily. I am so thankful for my leader and my protector, I am thankful for God's covenant of marriage.  I am thankful that God has allowed me to experience the kind of marriage that few ever find and one I didn't deserve.....  Happy Anniversary Darling, I can't wait to see what's waiting in the next 19.

P.S. I think you have the cutest dimple....

Friday, May 14, 2010

Would you look....

At what has arrived!

No, sweetie..not the quack grass!  I think quack
grass secretly grows under the snow.
But I am talking about the spring flowers!!!
And the cherry bushes are the happiest
little things. Here's hoping they haven't started too
soon as every one loves cherries.

The bees have been so cranky because they were just starving to death.
But today they were back to their peaceful selves.
 The plums are a little more cautious
about opening themselves up to the world.
And the apples are still shut tight.
And of course we take advantage of the first warm day
to clear up winter's muck...
Before you start to feel too bad for him,
there was a bobcat in there helping too.
It was an exhausting day, but the corral and barn are clean
for the year, and tomorrow we can relax
AFTER we till the garden and rake the back area and 
plant the seeds and clean around the fire pit and get the irrigation water in and........
LOL! talk to you all in the fall.:)